Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
