I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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