i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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