I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my shit smells like andre
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
