Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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