dude i'm inner monologue high
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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