he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize