well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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