just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize