How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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