It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
