I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
they're like a gay fantastic four
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
