I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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