never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
