I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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