I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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