you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
