so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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