3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
