just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
