I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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