went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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