how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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