I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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