You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
