Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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