Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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