she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
