what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
