Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
