I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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