Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
