i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
