My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
