Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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