I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
