i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
