Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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