just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
