I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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