were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
