I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
