come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
