well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
my liver is dry heaving
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
