Do you still have your period?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
