I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize