just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
