the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
