I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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