If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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