So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
