mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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