I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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