I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
