He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
