wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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