so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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