and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
