Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
