I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
