either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
