Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
