Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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