Whod you bang
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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