dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
