I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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