My cat gives me a boner
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
