He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
