Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
