i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
worst night to have a conscience
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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