He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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