I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
