And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize