if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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