dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
