i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
